Dreams and Reality

I have been having stress dreams the last two nights. And my sleep has been very light, not deep and recharging. Last night I dreamt I took Evelyn to elementary school and it was stressful, I was trying to make sure she had everything she needed and didn't get lost. Then I dreamt that I took my twin brother to college and I was trying to make sure he was in the right dorm and settled in okay. And then Stan turned into Levi, but Levi as a little boy. It was weird.

Breaking down my dreams:
It's pretty obvious that I am nervous about Evelyn going to kindergarten next year and I am also having anxiety/sadness about my little baby girl becoming a big girl. That's pretty cut and dry.

The dream where I am taking my twin brother to college and helping him get settled in the dorms has some meat to it, if you are into dream analysis. And the fact that at the end of the dream Stan turns into Levi is really interesting. As kids Stan and I were inseparable. I never wanted to be without him. And I think vice versa. And even into early adulthood we spent a lot of time together and were close. And throughout our childhood I always looked out for Stan. I always tried to protect him and make sure he was okay. He had emotional issues as a kid and other kids were not nice to him so I always felt a strong protective instinct when it came to him. I once chased a bully around the playground in 5th grade until I caught him and kicked him as hard as I could in the crotch. I did this because the bully wouldn't leave Stan alone and I was fed up with it and I knew that if Stan got angry enough he would get really violent and I didn't want him to get in trouble. So in terms of taking care of or watching out for a little boy that I love very much my only reference point is my twin brother. Interesting. I hadn't realized that connection of emotion there until I had that dream last night.

I am feeling a lot of pressure/stress these last days of pregnancy. I think I am anxious to meet Levi but also anxious that he won't come on his own. And the last thing I want is to be induced or have any medical interventions. But everyone (EVERY-ONE!) wants him out yesterday and asks me all the time when he is going to come out. And on top of all that I think it is obvious from my dream that I am worried about how everyone in our little family is going to adjust to the arrival of Levi.

I look at Evelyn these days and I almost can't believe how she has become a girl, not a little girl, a big girl. And Bailey is practically a teenager it feels like. Evelyn is more surprising to me because she just seems to have changed over night. When did she stop being a baby? I am glad, very glad that she is acting and reasoning like a big girl but I am sad that my baby is gone. On Thursday I register Evie for kindergarten. Holy Sh*t. I always knew this day would come (of course!) but wow. Just wow. I guess all the changes that are happening are hitting me (along with prelabor hormones, lol) and I am just a little sad, and a little anxious. I want all these changes, I want them more than I can articulate but I also am mourning the past a little bit. I know it is cliche to cry and be sad when your first born goes to kindergarten or hits any other milestone but I can't help it.

The arrival of Levi couldn't be better because as I cry over losing Evie as my baby girl I get to embrace my baby boy and start again and enjoy all over again the joys of having a baby and watching him grow up. Everything about my life since I met Mike has been so incredibly meant to be it is striking. And not every twist in this road has been easy. There have been quite a few times when we really thought we were on the right path and then hit a GIANT wall and realized that everything we thought we wanted or needed was not happening. And that was really scary. And then around the corner another opportunity fell into our laps and it turned out to be the best thing for us and our family. Levi coming now, when Evie is about to go to elementary school, when Bailey is old enough to understand and appreciate having a little brother, it just feels perfect. We'll have hiccups, the girls will not like sharing their attention (as Bailey makes abundantly clear at every chance, lol) but I really think the timing couldn't be better for our family.

So despite the stress and anxiousness I know this is a wonderful time in all our lives. And really, would I be normal if I wasn't a little anxious about all theses changes?

Pretty in Pink

Bailey is at Shrek on Ice tonight so Evie, Mike, and I went to dinner. Check out my two beauties in pink ;)

And here's some more moments from our evening:

The Girls with Levi

And here are the only pics I believe that exist of me and the girls with my big ole belly. Enjoy!

Evie took this pic, I really like how candid it is, we couldn't tell when she was taking pics and when she wasn't.

Bailey drew this pic of Levi.

Warts

As in worry warts. As in Bailey and I. Yup, that's what we are. It constantly cracks me up and drives me crazy and amazes me how similar Bailey and I are. I was A LOT like Bailey as a kid. I was very creative, imaginative, social, loud, energetic, and more, just like her. I don't know if it is because Bailey and I had similar childhoods or what but her and I have very similar personality traits. One of them being our tendency to worry about things. Last night there were very violent and prevalent tornadoes all over the state and her and I (not Mike and I or Evie and I) stayed up til 1AM worrying about whether a tornado was going to hit our area (thankfully we barely had any severe weather here). Mike and Evelyn were asleep and out cold in our bedroom and I was watching the news (I wouldn't let Bailey watch with me) and Bailey was in her room watching Scooby Doo. Every time she heard a noise (even my elbow hitting the wall by accident!) she would come running out to make sure we were ok.

When I was a kid I remember being deathly afraid of thunderstorms. I would freak out the exact same way. And I am sure I drove my parents crazy with always wanting to sleep with them whenever there was a storm. I still am afraid of thunderstorms. There have been quite a few nights recently where I am the only person awake in the house because I hear a storm and can't sleep until it passes. The worrying extends into who or when or how things are going to get done also. Mike calls me a "Planner" and we laugh, because it is true. And my Type A/Planner character traits come from a place of worry. If I can plan everything out, if I can control everything then I know I'll be okay and the people I love will be okay. I see the same tendencies in Bailey. In the end the worrying comes from a place of love. And anyone that knows Bailey knows that she loves INTENSELY. And I think I am the same.

Bailey and I are similar in lots of other ways too. We both are very picky eaters (I have grown out of it mostly but as a child I was super picky, worse than Bailey). We both are very concerned with justice and what is fair (my parents always told me as child I would make a great lawyer, we've said the same to Bailey). I fiercely loved my family as child (I still do) so does Bailey. Bailey loves to play with other people but at a certain point she needs her alone time to recharge and reflect, me the same. As she gets older she recognizes her need for alone time without having a fight or a meltdown, that is a wonderful thing for her and us. We both need our sleep, like bad. And we both hate taking naps (except me when I am preggers).

We both had very similar childhoods. My parents separated and divorced when I was 4/5 yrs old. My dad remarried my StepMom when I was 6 yrs old. My StepMom's birthday is the day before my birthday (my birthday is the day before Bailey's birthday, I know, CRAZY!). I moved many times throughout my childhood, Bailey has moved twice since I've known her, she won't be moving again as far as I can tell (we love our house and Mike's work won't need him to move ever, I hope). But the moves were very hard on Bailey, as I am sure the moves were hard on me as a kid. But I had two brothers to lean on through all the changes in my childhood. No matter what happened they were there with me. Bailey didn't have that through all the changes she's gone through. She had her Dad. And Mike has been amazing with Bailey through everything. He really is her rock. The way that my brothers were my rock. I always knew that no matter what craziness the world threw at me as a kid I would have my brothers, so I could handle it. And I think that is how Bailey feels too. And the product of all the changes in my childhood was neediness. I was and am a very needy person. I need to be reassured consistently that I am loved, that I am cared for, that I am needed, and that things are going to be okay.  I see the exact same traits in Bailey. She always wants to make sure she gets her attention, that she is loved, that things are okay. So on the one hand her and I need our alone time to recharge/reflect but on the other we are super clingy and needy too. We are a conundrum. As I've gotten older my neediness has wained and my worries have subsided some, as I hope they do for Bailey someday.

And if you have ever been in a relationship with someone that is very much like yourself then you know that sometimes it can backfire. Sometimes you see parts of yourself in the other person that you don't like. And you try to change the other person because what you really want to do is change yourself. I catch myself often getting irritated with Bailey's neediness, her worry wartness, her inability to nap even when she REALLY needs the sleep, her picky eating. And it is totally unfair on my part. I am a total hypocrite. And here is where being the adult is harder than being the child. I have to face myself almost daily and force myself to grow through my own flaws. I have to confront my 9 yr old self everyday and do what's right for her, and love her, just as she is. And then I have to look at my 29 yr old self and say, it's okay. You are okay, and Bailey is going to be okay too.

And I ask Mike all the time why he wanted to take on another person in his life that is so needy and clingy and high maintenance. And he laughs. He says he wouldn't have it any other way. I think he likes feeling needed and wanted and he loves making us all (including Evie) feel taken care of, provided for, and supported. In turn we all three clamor for his attention and affection and we dote on him. I guess it isn't too bad a deal for him ;)

Scattered with a Chance of a Baby

This post is going to be kinda scattered, hence the title.

First off, sorry for not posting yesterday. I spent all afternoon trying to upload the videos I took of the kids, Mike and myself to blogger. I made videos of each of us (Bailey interviewed me) asking questions about Levi and how we all felt about his imminent arrival. The videos are priceless (at least to me) and I crack up every time I watch Bailey's and Evelyn's responses! They are all posted on Facebook because I gave up on blogger =(  If you wanna see the videos and you aren't my FB friend hit me up and let me know you read the blog and I will probably friend you so you can see the videos ;)

This week is CRCT for Bailey and she is doing great with her testing. We are all working together to create a low stress, high rest/recharge atmosphere for her so she can do the best she can on her tests. Bedtime has been set firmly at 8PM and no sugar this week until Friday night after she is done testing. We are gonna have a sugar blowout on Saturday night, I told her any dessert she wants, and as much of it as she can eat (yes I realize she will probably get a horrible stomach ache from this experience, but maybe, just maybe, she'll make the connection and not binge too hard).

This whole pregnancy I have pee'd a lot, as in very, very often. I have been a frequent pee'er since birthing Evie but being preggers has taken it to a whole other level. Yesterday Mike told me I should keep track of how many times I pee in a day. So I did. The results: in 24 hours I pee'd 39 times. Yes, that includes 5 times in the middle of the night and a little over once an hour when I am not sleeping. Ugh, it is tiresome. But one advantage, I know every bathroom in a 5 mile radius. So there ya go.

The biggest news over the last 2 days is that Mike passed a very important test at work yesterday afternoon, yay!! He took the same test a month ago and failed so we were both very anxious and nervous about him retaking it yesterday, but he passed with flying colors this time! =D

Other big news, I went to the doctor this morning and I am still the same progress as I was 3 wks ago (2.5 cm and 80%). I am actually kind of at peace with this. There has been A LOT of interest in when Levi will be here and everyday I get an email, FB message, or phone call asking how I am doing and when do I think this baby boy is gonna come. On Sunday I really thought it might be happening, I was crampy and had lots of contractions but when I layed down to go to bed nothing happened. So since then I have come to the realization that even though we all want Levi here sooner rather than later he is just going to come when he is ready. And that is okay. Everyone I run into is giving me tips and advice on how to get labor started (eating eggplant parmesan, riding on a bumpy road, castor oil, walking stairs, etc). But you know what? I am okay with how things are right now. Levi is still moving around like a crazy alien inside me and I feel good. I am in no rush to boot him out, it's actually kinda nice to hang on to him a little bit longer. Right now he is all mine, I don't have to share him with anyone. When he comes out I have to share him with everyone, so the selfish side of me is really enjoying these last days with him =)

Maybe Levi will be the best Mother's Day present I ever receive ;)

Alright, gotta run to Wally World to get provisions since an EXTREME WEATHER EVENT is suppossed to happen tonight. Please Lord don't let me go into labor tonight with all the tornados and dangerous weather!

This is a photo of me the night before Evelyn was born (she was born on her due date).

Preggo Pics of Me with Mike

I think these are the only pics that exsist of Mike and I since I have gotten this pregnant. I would've really liked to get professional pics done of Mike and I and the girls before Levi comes but I don't think that is going to happen. At least we have these and we will definitely be getting family pics done after Levi is born ;)

Light Blue Toes and Chucks and Tigers! Oh My!

Letters to Levi

My Son Levi,

      As we all count down the last days before you arrive, I can't help but think about what you will be like. So far, what I know about you is that you calm down in Mommy's belly when I talk or sing to you and you kick Mommy's belly when I stop. We think you move so much because you like to be touched. Don't get me started on how you are when Mommy gives you sugar... Both your Mommy and I are already so in love with you and we can't imagine this world without you in it. Son, I don't know if you know it or not, but we have your whole life planned out for you already... :). Ok, maybe Mommy does. We men need to stick together, remember that!

     When your Mommy and I decided we wanted to have you Levi, I don't think either of us really understood what you ended up meaning to our entire family. I want you to always remember that you were and are the link of love and strength, and we all already love you so much.

     Love you,
                  Daddy
_____________________________________________________________

Dear Levi,

    Your name means "to join" and that is exactly what you mean to our family. You are the first child for Daddy and I and your birth joins Bailey and Evelyn as it joins Daddy and I. I cried for an entire hour when I found out you were a boy. I dreamt about you before I knew you were a boy, I saw your big smile, blue eyes, and very long limbs. I feel so honored and lucky to have a son. You have made me so happy this entire pregnancy and now in the last days before you're born I am so excited to hold you and kiss you that I cry when I think about meeting you outside my belly. I love you Levi, more than you'll ever know my son.

                                                                                                                                    Love,
                                                                                                                                       Momma <3

Smack in the Face

I was just telling Mike this afternoon that it was very possible that Levi won't come until his due date (which was originally May 3rd-May 9th) because Evelyn didn't come until her due date. Just after stating this to Mike we left for Bailey's basketball game. As we are walking out the front door we are met with our stroller for Levi. I ordered the stroller last week (Monday) and they informed me that it wouldn't arrive until May 2nd -May 10th. I posted to FB that i thought Levi would arrive before his stroller. Both our jaws hit the ground. Shock washed over me. Realization soon rushed in after that. If his stroller is here already and I was sure he would beat the stroller getting here then that means that he REALLY is coming, like SOON! We both guffawed and made shocked faces the entire way to Bailey's game. I even cried a little because it just really hit me. He is really going to be here.

Luckily last night after our anniversary dinner we went to the mall and picked out his first outfit, in the right size (Mike's Mom had already bought us the outfit but it was too big (6 mos) so we went and bought the same outfit in NB and 3 mos size just to be sure it would fit him). So I just finished packing my hospital bag and put it by the front door. Mike is installing Levi's carseat as I type. The birthpool is already by the front door. Mike put batteries in the baby monitor today and we bought a little lamp for Levi's bureau. So now, I guess, we really are ready. Wow. This feels weird.

P.S. Just bought a baby book for Levi and started filling it out. Wow, this is all hitting home today. There was a section for me to write a letter to Levi, very semtimental, very special. There's a section for Mike to write a letter to Levi too. <3 <3

Preggo Pics 38/39 wks

The Calm Before the Storm

This weekend may be the last time that Mike and I have together before Levi arrives. The last time before we go from a family of 4 to a family of 5. In fact, we may not make it the whole weekend without Levi arriving. The last week has literally been a whirlwind. We have had visitors (wonderful family!) since last Friday and so we have all been enjoying ourselves but also super busy and off routine. Now it is soooo quiet in the house. Mike's parents left for the beach this morning (with full knowledge that they may be turning right back around in a day or two), both girls went to school and got picked up by their other parents.

I have been home all afternoon by myself (except for Gizmo, our cat) and it is eerily quiet. I am enjoying the quiet, and obviously I am catching up on my blogging (this is post #4 for today). It seems like this is the perfect weekend for Levi to make his arrival. I just don't know if he will. But I know that I am going to enjoy this weekend no matter what. Because whether he comes or not this is probably the last calm we will have before the storm of a newborn baby boy in our lives. And I can't wait for that storm to hit! =D

One last kid free weekend...



3 Year Anniversary

Today marks 3 years since Mike first emailed me. If you've read my 100 Meme then you know that Mike and I met online. Yes, we are one of "those" couples. I was very newly separated and Mike had been separated for about 9 months. I was just looking to see what was out there in the dating world, I hadn't dated in 6 years and I wanted to know if I still had "it". But I knew I didn't want to go to a smoky bar to meet some gross guy that only wanted one thing. I knew I didn't want to expose my 1.5 yr old daughter to a parade of icky unworthy men. So I turned to the internet, a safe haven, where I could look and be seen but not really be vulnerable unless I wanted to be, when I wanted to be. And I quickly discovered that I still did indeed have at least a little bit of "it". And I got gross icky guys asking me if I like to be pampered (blech!!).

And then I got this email:

April 22^nd 1025pm

I'm in the same raft as you. Separated, divorce soon. You seem smart and harmless (looking for an e-mail buddy). Me; the same. :)

I know I'm older, but we have some things in common (see profile) and this isn't for dating purposes anyway. So, if you'd like to laugh out loud and smile a lot, just let me know.

-Michael

And I checked his profile. And he wasn't super cute in the face (Mike is actually very handsome but NOT photogenic!) but he had some muscles and his interests were more than video games and science fiction, so I emailed him this:

April 22^nd 1043pm

Hi,

I like laughing out loud and smiling a lot. And most importantly I like harmless.

I went to high school in E. Cobb county. I admire your ability to live around ATL. I love to visit but I could not deal with the traffic and craziness everyday. It would be hard to not get jaded living there.

Thanks for emailing me =)
Jen

And so our love began. We emailed back and forth for a while after the first email. And then we exchanged phone numbers, and then we met for the first time. Mike and Bailey came to my parent's farm on their way back from the beach and the girls played while Mike and I chatted and tried to keep ourselves in check. We had an instant connection from the emails to the phone to in person. It all just happened so fast and was so right from the very start and at every turn. I couldn't believe Mike was real. I kept looking for the faults, for the hidden problems. But he is perfect for me. Not perfect in general (who is?), but perfect for me. We have faced a lot of hardships as a couple in our 3 years but through it all we have been each other's rock. Truly. It sounds gushy mushy but our relationship has never wained, never been in question. It has felt like the outside world is crazy but between just he and I we are always on track, always together, always in love.

Happy Anniversary Mike, I love you!

This is Mike the first time I met him at my parent's farm house. Love at first sight fo sho!!

P.S. As part of this Anniversary we have a tradition of rereading all our emails to each other in the first months that we were dating. It is really fun to relive the excitement of getting to know each other and falling for each other. 

Passover

We had a wonderful time with Mike's parents this week. They came to town to visit us but also in particular to celebrate Passover with us. This was my first Passover, and Evie's, and I think Bailey's too. So it was very special. It was really interesting to watch Mike go back down memory lane, he grew up celebrating Passover but I think it has been quite a few years since he's celebrated. Mike's Mom spent two days cooking delicious desserts and yummy matzah infused recipes. Mike's Dad lead the service for the dinner.

I was not raised with much religion, I was Presbyterian for a couple of years around 3rd and 4th grade (Bailey's age) but that faded out and that was the only time in my life that I went to a church or any religious place regularly. Any knowledge that I have of the bible or religion of any kind is from my studies in Art History. Most Western artwork throughout history was commissioned by the Catholic Church so most of it is religious in subject, so because I was learning about the artwork I learned about the subject matter too, as a byproduct.

I say all this to inform you that I have a lot to learn when it comes to religions, including Judaism. Over the last 2 years I have learned a lot about the Jewish faith and it has been very interesting to me and enlightening. In my limited exposure to Judaism it has struck me as very historical and academic. Unlike some of the Christian religions I have been exposed to Judaism seems very intellectual which I appreciate. I prefer to have my intellect appealed to rather than my emotions when it comes to religion. I like that I can approach Judaism with a questioning mind. I also love the historical and cultural aspects of Judaism. Having been an Art History major I love learning about the context of the different traditions and the cultural/ethnic connections between the practices and the history.

So as I continue to be exposed to Judaism I continue to learn not only about a religion but also about a culture, an ethnicity, and a history of a very interesting people. Mike and I don't go to church or to temple, or any religious place. We expose the kids to our family's religions which are quite varied and include: Judaism, Christianity, and Paganism (see post below about Paganism). We both come from a more agnostic standpoint when it comes to religion. I love learning, and being exposed to all three of these very different religious practices has been really interesting for me. I love making connections between all three religions. I am very glad that our kids get to be exposed to such different faith systems too. If they some day decide to follow one of the three above religions or follow nothing or follow anything else at least their decisions will have been well informed and not shoved down their throats.

Our Passover Dinner 

Paganism

About 6 years ago my Mom got interested in nature based religion. She was hiking and camping a lot with my Dad and she realized that being in nature was the one place where she felt most at peace, most calm, most connected. These feelings and realizations lead her to seek out a religion that she could practice daily. She started looking into Wicca and that soon lead to Paganism. Now I am not an expert on Wicca or Paganism, and I may have my timeline off and my Mom's reasons for seeking out Paganism wrong but this is what I understand to be the case with my Mom's religion. Over the last 6 yrs she has devoted herself to studying and practicing Paganism. She is a high priestess in a coven and this summer she will be ordained as a minister with Circle Sanctuary, a federally sanctioned pagan church, the biggest in the country. I have participated in rituals with my Mom numerous times, as has Evie (though she probably doesn't really remember).

Paganism is really interesting. I think most girls my age went through a "witch" phase as teenagers, we tried Ouija boards, seances, candle lighting, etc. There are tons of movies about witchcraft, from silly (Hocus Pocus, Witches, Wizard of Oz) to scary (Blair Witch Project). In my limited experience with paganism most of these movies and cultural references are not very accurate when it comes to the Pagan religion. Again, I am not nearly as informed about this religion as my Mom. But I want to at least clear the air in terms of what Paganism is and is not. From my experience Paganism is a very natural and holistic religion. Pagans believe in multiple Gods and Goddesses (like the Greeks and most other pre-christian religions). Paganism seems to me, to put a strong emphasis on nature and balance in all aspects of one's existence. And there is strong emphasis on putting out what you want to get back. If you put out negativity it will come back to you, if you put out positivity it will come back to you. Paganism is not devil worship, it is not about putting negative spells or hexes on people. There is a lot more to Paganism than I can fairly do justice to, and in fact I implore my Mom to put up links in the comments to good websites about Paganism.

I am not a Pagan, I am not a Christian, I am not Jewish. But my family is all of these religions. And my kids are exposed to all of these religions. And I think that is really cool for them and for me.

Evelyn as a Hex Girl (from Scooby Doo) at Halloween

Quick Update

This week has been INSANE!!! Everyday has been super busy, hence I have not been posting like normal.

Sunday: I stayed up all night helping Mike with a work project (all night = 130AM when you are preggers and old).

Monday: The air duct peolpe were supposed to come and the carpet cleaners so we moved furniture off the carpets before Mike left for work. After dropping off the kids I got the call that they were not coming til Tuesday because thier work van broke down. So I slept all day Monday. Then Monday night Grandma and Grandpa arrived safe and sound and we all enjoyed catching up and talking.

Tuesday: The air duct cleaners came and the carpet cleaners and I met with a potential pediatrician and Bailey had a basketball game.

Today: Grandma has been cooking all day (and the house smells freakin amazing!) and I actually took a 2 hour nap after I dropped the kids off. Then I moved all the furntiture back (with Grandpa's help of course) and cleaned both kids rooms really well. Then ran to get the kids, ran to Kroger, rushed home to get the kids snacks and rushed to thier dentist appointment (no cavities! Yay!). Then home and bathes for both girls and hairdrying/straightening and now just waiting to eat the YUMMY Passover dinner thats been teasing me all day.

Super Organized Planner

And add control freak to that title too. Yes, that is me folks. I am very type A when it comes to my personal space, my household, my cubicle, etc. Yeah, it is not endearing when I lose my mind over little things being out of place in my spaces. Just ask Mike, or the kids. So you can imagine how I am freaking the f*** out at the prospect of being in recovery from birth and having other people in my space, taking care of my stuff (kids and husband). Please laugh at me through this, that seems to be the most effective disarmament of my freak out alarm, again ask Mike.

I spent this morning making detailed schedules of our kids morning routines, afternoon routines, and a weekly detailed grocery list. Yeah, and that's just the beginning. I am also going to write out a daily and weekly task schedule for all the things that need to get done around the house. And even though I am making these detailed lists and schedules I will still freak out because one thing won't get done the right way. Like someone won't rinse the coffee stirring spoon after they use it and so there will be coffee/creamer puddle on the coffee spoon plate. What? You don't have a coffee spoon plate?

Yeah, I am this crazy. Now, I try really, really hard to hide this crazy side of myself from people that visit my house. Especially people that spend the night with us. I don't want to be this way. I really want to be easy going and roll with the punches. I want to be care free. But I know that my family and Mike's see the crazy, and they politely pretend they don't notice it but I know they do. And I thank them for putting up with me.

So I guess this post is a warning and an advance thank you.

Warning:  I will be a psycho after Levi is born because on top of my own self inflicted crazy control freakness I will be sleep deprived and hormonal.

Thank You: For not clubbing me to death from frustration with me. Thank you for taking such wonderful care of my daughters and Levi and supporting me through this very topsy turvy time in my life. Thank you for still loving me despite my very glaring shortcomings.

The Grandparents

My parents are here visiting us today and on Monday or Tuesday Mike's parents will be here visiting us for the week. It is hilarious to watch our children transform when their grandparents are around. Both Evie and Bailey LOVE their grandparents intensely. And their love is expressed in high pitched squeals and spastic jumpy body language. It's adorable! They just finished putting on a show for my parents in the garage/playroom and I took some video. Please forgive the language of the song...

The only downside to having our parents visit when the kids are here is that we don't get any time with our parents without being interrupted a million times. I want time with my parents too! I know I am a grown up now and I shouldn't be jealous of my own kids spending time with my parents but alas, it is the case. And I want time with Mike's parents also. The rare occasions that we do get to spend time with either set of our parents without the kids is so much fun. It is really neat to realize that you have more of a peer rather than parent/child relationship with your parents. I'll post pics of us with Mike's parents last year when we had a weekend with them to ourselves at the beach.

So thank you to The Grandparents for making our kids so happy and for making us so happy too!!

Rough

***EDITED TO ADD***

This post was not intended to offend anyone, including Mike or Lynn. I posted this because I genuinely wanted to express one aspect of the frustration that I face as a parent/stepparent. Mike, Lynn, and I are all stepparents and parents, we all face very similar hardships. There was no malice on anyones part in this situation. There is no bad guy here. This is life, it gets messy, I get frustrated but I am not attacking the people involved (and I don't want anyone else to do that either). I want to defend Lynn, I think she had a hard choice to make, and she made the right choice for Bailey. I apologize to Mike and Lynn for any offense I caused them, it truly was not at all what I was aiming for.

**********************

Rough night last night, Mike and I kinda fought, not really but kinda. Bailey's Mom got her an iphone cell phone. Yes you heard that right, a frickin iphone for a 9 yr old who doesn't call anyone nor ever go anywhere (not even the bus stop) without an adult, ever. Yeah. We are both vehemently opposed to Bailey having a cell phone. But here's the rub. Bailey has two stepsisters who live in a very different area than us, an area where 8 yr olds have iphones and itouches and basically are way spoiled. We don't live like that, even if we had the money, we wouldn't want Bailey to have a phone yet. And the only reason that her Mom got her an iphone is because the two other girls got iphones from their Mom. I understand where Lynn is coming from, I do, she doesn't want Bailey to feel left out. I get that, and I commend her for spending the money and doing something that she doesn't necessarily want to do but is doing for her daughter's happiness. Every parent wants to give their child everything and not watch their child be sad or left out.

So here is where Mike and I disagreed. I say, no problem, let Bailey have her iphone, but not here, not at our house. If Lynn wants to introduce this element to Bailey's life then so be it, we can't really stop her, but I do not want it here, I do not want to deal with monitoring Bailey's every action with that phone. Mike says that is not fair, that it doesn't make sense. That Bailey should be able to text and call her Mom with her phone since she has it. Bailey can call her Mom whenever she wants, Bailey can call Mike whenever she wants, all she has to do is ask and we give her one of our phones to do so. And really the bottom line to this whole issue is that I am the one that is going to have to monitor the phone use, I am the one that is going to have to enforce the rules and punish and all that crap because I spend more time at home with Bailey. Not Lynn, not Mike (and Mike really hates that he isn't home and is really offended when I say that I am the one that has to deal with this, but he knows that I support him working and that he is doing what's right for our family by working long hours and not being here, but still it hurts him to not be here). So my question to you dear readers is this: Am I being unreasonable? Mike says I am.

So in my mind I am wrestling with this. Perhaps we can just start with the phone staying at Lynn's house and see how that goes, maybe once school is out I will feel more comfortable with Bailey having the phone here. I just know that right now is not a good time for her to have a brand new gigantic distraction. She is about to take the CRCTs (a week long testing ordeal that determines if she goes to 4th grade) her grandparents are about to be here for a week for Passover. Maybe the phone should be given as a privilege after Levi is born to help ease the pain of everyone paying attention to the baby. I don't know. It seems stupid to get so bent out of shape over a cell phone but I guess for me it is more than that. For me it is affecting the way I parent my children, it is disturbing my household. And why should I have to go through this disruption because Bailey's stepsisters Mom decided to buy them iphones??

When is it appropriate and worthy to compromise and when is it appropriate to say no thank you and put my foot down?? This step parenting thing really sucks sometimes.

My Thoughts on the 10 Questions Posts

It was really neat to hear both girls answers to the 10 questions I asked them. I noticed they both talked a lot about their other parents. I don't know if it has to do with the fact that they spent all of last week with them or not. I am constantly surprised at how much both girls absolutely love their family. And I interviewed each girl alone and I did not prompt either one for answers to any questions. I really wanted to honor the integrity of their thoughts and true words. Some of these questions I have never asked them, some I have but not with such open ears. Some of their answers made me sad. I hate that Bailey feels like everything is hard for her right now. I also hate that Bailey doesn't feel like she spends enough time with her family. Neither of these answers surprised me but still, I wish they were different. I love that they both LOVE being girls, that is so reassuring, if they hated being girls at this age I would be really worried that something was happening to them that we didn't know about. I think it is hilarious that they both value their barbies more than anything else and both would give their favorite person a barbie. I love that Bailey loves her basketball team so much, it has been really amazing to watch Bailey grow over the last few months that she's played basketball, it is such a morale and confidence builder for her and I love watching her be so happy. Another answer that didn't surprise me at all was Bailey's bringing up her pets for almost every question. That girl loves her pets, sometimes I think she loves them more than people. I thought Bailey's answer about what makes someone happy was really interesting. She listed a loving spouse and loving kids and family night. That is really neat. I am glad that after going through the divorce that she still believes in happy marriages and families. Bailey's dream about being pushed off a cliff is sad. Really sad. Even sadder that she has had it 3 times. I remember having bad dreams as a child. Recurring bad dreams. I think it is probably normal for most kids to have bad dreams and some are recurring but it is still something you wish your child didn't have to go through. Evelyn's answer that the hardest thing about being a kid is listening is HILARIOUS! Because it is sooo true for her and I love her honesty. I am really really glad that both girls mentioned our family movie nights and game nights that we do with them. Mike and I knew when we started doing game nights and movie nights that the girls loved it and would probably always remember it but now we have proof that we were right.

10 Questions - Bailey

 I stumbled upon this awesome article and it inspired me to ask Evie and Bailey these questions. My idea is to ask them now and then ask them again after Levi is born. The answers might be the same but I wonder if they'll be different. Here goes:

What is the hardest thing about being a kid? What is the best thing? Do you think it's easier to be a child or an adult?-Everything is hard to me, most things, everything in 3rd grade is more complicating. CRCT, the teacher is rushing you, it's a big rush to get ready for the test and 4th grade. It's way more challengy.
-The best thing is my loving family, I get everything I need, not everything I want, my wonderful basketball team, Momma Momma, my pets.
-It's easier to be a kid  because grown ups have to collect money and pay taxes and it's boring and you lose your money.

What is the nicest thing anyone has ever done for you? What's the nicest thing you've ever done for somebody else?

-Nicest thing someone's done for me- sign me up for basketball, got me my dog Blue, bought me lots of barbies, Daddy gave Pearl lots of chances, Daddy takes care of Gizmo when I'm gone.
-Nicest thing I've done for someone- help someone up when they get hurt, not yell at my friends instead I talk it out with them when I am mad at them.


Do you think it's easier to be a boy or a girl? Why?

Girl, because boys always get in trouble, and it's harder to save their clothes because of stains. I love being a girl because I can have pretty hairstyles. Being a boy would be blech!


What's your earliest memory? Tell me everything you can remember.

My first memory is crawling around my new house and trying to go up the stairs and looking at Daddy. Then I remember Disney World and the deep pool I swam in and taking a bath with Riley and the Magic Kingdom.


Do you think in our family parents and kids spend too much time together, not enough time, or just the right amount? Do you have a favorite thing we do together as a family?

-Not enough time because Daddy is at work and we have to have 15 minutes apart, and Mom does housework and cooks dinner and doesn't want us with her when she does that. And I don't get to see Momma Momma because she is always working. It just needs to be rearranged.
-My favorite thing to do with our family is game night when we play the game where we have to smell each other's armpits and feet and pick belly button lint out of Daddy's belly button. And at Momma Momma's my favorite thing to do is Charades.


What is your most prized possession? Where did you get it? Why is it so special? Would you ever sell it? For how much?

My family and pets. And my blonde haired barbie that I got for x-mas from Momma Momma and my Edward doll. I love my blonde haired barbie because every outfit looks good on her except princess dresses. I would never sell her. Maybe for 5 million dollars.


When you think about everything in your life, what are you most thankful for?

My family, my friends, everybody I like at school including my teachers and friends, people that are far away, my wonderful loving pets.


What do you think it takes for someone to be happy in life? What makes you happy?
-A loving family, food and water, needs and some wants, cute pets, a wonderful husband or wife, loving children, family night.
- My loving family, my pets, my barbies, the color green.


Do you remember your dreams? Can you tell me about one?

Yes, I remember a dream where two old men, one with a black beard and one with a blonde beard and both with bushy eyebrows told me to look over cliff and make a wish and then they pushed me over the cliff and I died. Well I woke up but I think I died in the dream. I had it three times.


If you could give one person one gift and not have to pay for it, who would would that person be and what gift would you choose?

Audrey, my sister, because she always is nice to me and has a good attitude except if she's tired. I would give her the 2nd prettiest, valuable barbie in the universe because the 1st would be mine.

10 Questions - Evelyn

I stumbled upon this awesome article and it inspired me to ask Evie and Bailey these questions. My idea is to ask them now and then ask them again after Levi is born. The answers might be the same but I wonder if they'll be different. Here goes:

What is the hardest thing about being a kid? What is the best thing? Do you think it's easier to be a child or an adult?

Hardest thing- listening.
Best- hanging out with my family, talking about my family, loving my family.
Easier to be a grownup because I can tell my child what to do.


What is the nicest thing anyone has ever done for you? What's the nicest thing you've ever done for somebody else?

Nicest thing someone's done for me- let me play, sleep, and eat.
Nicest thing I've done for someone- played with them, like my friend Emma.


Do you think it's easier to be a boy or a girl? Why?

Girl because I wear pretty clothes and I like being a girl.


What's your earliest memory? Tell me everything you can remember.

Love.


Do you think in our family parents and kids spend too much time together, not enough time, or just the right amount? Do you have a favorite thing we do together as a family?

Just the right amount of time, I love playing games for family game night and movie night and birthday parties


What is your most prized possession? Where did you get it? Why is it so special? Would you ever sell it? For how much?

My new barbie from Daddy because her hair is so pretty. No I wouldn't sell her. I'll buy them a barbie like that because there's more barbies like that.


When you think about everything in your life, what are you most thankful for?

My family, love, and joy.


What do you think it takes for someone to be happy in life? What makes you happy?

Love. Love.


Do you remember your dreams? Can you tell me about one?

I remember a dream where I watched a movie at the aquarium with Daddy and it was a princess movie.


If you could give one person one gift and not have to pay for it, who would would that person be and what gift would you choose?

My best friend Emma, I would give her a barbie and a whole barbie house.

Braxton Hicks

Whoo Hee! I have been having braxton hicks over the last 3 days and they are really tiring. Last night especially. Just trying to make dinner was a major effort because on top of the braxton hicks Levi was kicking me and the girls both needed help with everything under the sun. Even though I put them to work for me (setting the table, putting away dishes, transferring the laundry, etc) I was still up on my feet and that just made the braxton hicks come on constantly. Then we went to basketball and even though I was sitting the whole time I was having braxton hicks the whole time. And wouldn't you know that Evelyn decided to push all her boundaries with me while I was having the braxton hicks and we are at a gym with stadium stairs. Oh yeah, it was special. And once we got home I had to make lunches and get coffee ready for this morning so again I was on my feet and the braxton hicks were right there with me. On the one hand I am glad that the pregnancy is progressing and I know that this is a great sign that we will get to see and hold and kiss Levi soon but on the other hand we have soooooo much left to do and I need more time and less pain to get it all done. I have said it before but wow, it is SOOO different to be pregnant when you have to take care of two other kids at the same time. Last week when both girls were gone I missed them so much but I also had so much more energy to put into getting ready for Levi because all I had to worry about was me and Levi. I am really excited that my parents and Mike's parents are coming to town in the next week because I would love their help in tackling this monstrous to do list, I'll bet that's just what they want me to do, put them to work ;)  What is Mike up to you ask? Well he is busy making sure we have enough moola since I am stopping work this Friday and don't intend to go back til August. The poor guy is also under a lot of stress like me but in a more provider kind of way. I love him so much!

Check List

I got the birthpool last night! Huzzah! And we got milkshakes on the way home, totally unneeded but totally yummy! So now I just have to tackle the rest of my to do list. Here is a sampling of my list:

-work out visitation dates for Evie with her Dad for the entire summer and into next school year. (I have been working on that for 2 days so far)

-clean out my car (it is a royal mess!)

-install the Levi's carseat into my car

-buy a hose and a net for the birth pool

-make my hospital packing list (still avoiding that one)

-sanitize bottles and pacifiers

-call the indoor bug guy to spray the house before Levi comes

-call the carpet cleaners to clean the carpet before Levi comes

-find a leg of lamb for Passover dinner with Mom and Dad

-mail some stuff at the post office

So even though I am only working part time this week I still have a lot to get done at home. That's all on top of my normal, lunch packing, laundry, dishes, dinner making, basketball mom stuff. But anyone reading this that has kids knows the drill.

Alright off I go to tackle my list =)

Warning: 37 wks Preggo in a Bathing Suit

Getting Ready

I am very much feeling the need to get ready. And quick. The nesting instinct is pretty amazing. I was up until almost midnight shoring up loose ends. And all night I had dreams with an overall arching theme of, get ready, get ready, get ready. One of the last things that needs to be done is picking up the birthpool and accessories. I plan to do that in the next couple of days. I also need to make a list of what I want to bring to the hospital with me. Then we are ready, or as ready as one can be for this sort of thing. I have actually been procrastinating the hospital packing list for 3 days. Like once I do that it is all too real.

On a side note, I am going to post a pic of me in my preggo bathing suit today. I realized that if I want to have a pic of that I better get it soon. So I apologize in advance for the scary paleness your eyes will be subjected to but I have to do it for posterity's sake.

My Laugh

I realized last night after going to the movies to see Arthur (the new one) that I have yet again become my Mother in another weird way. I have her laugh. Yes. That doesn't seem like a big deal unless you know my Mom, and some of you reading do. Her laugh is so distinctive and loud that when I was in middle school doing a play and she came to surprise me (and my brothers) the surprise was blown because we could hear her laughing throughout the performance and knew she was there.

As a teenager I was mortified by her laugh. We would go to movies and she would do her laugh, even when NO ONE ELSE WAS LAUGHING! I would turn beet red and that would just make her laugh more. She didn't care at all that she was so loud and alone in her enjoyment of the moment.

Last night at the movies I realized that I am now the exact same way. I didn't care that I was the only person laughing or that I was laughing so loudly. I was thoroughly enjoying myself and was just tickled pink to be seeing such funny stuff. It was really fun. And thankfully, though Mike noticed I was the only person laughing, he wasn't embarrassed by me. He didn't care.

Something that I have noticed about Bailey and Evelyn is that they both laugh the same way, without abandon. They laugh loud and proud and they always want us to know what is making them laugh so they retell what just happened or rewind and tell us to come see what made them laugh. I love that about both of them. They love to laugh! I hope that the impending years of puberty and peer pressure don't change that for them. But if it does I am pretty sure it will be temporary because look at me. I was mortified by it as a teenager and now I embrace it whole heartedly. =)

Here is an example of the Laugh:

Levi Moving in my Belly!!

100 Meme Part II

This is a list of 100 things about me, for your reading pleasure. I am breaking the 100 into 5 parts so as not to bore or overwhelm ;) You can find Part I here.

21. I didn't like drinking coffee until I met Mike. I worked for Starbucks and hated coffee! Then I met Mike and he introduced me to flavored refrigerated creamers and I fell in love. Now I can't really start my day without at least one cup of coffee.

22. I have almost completely weaned myself off of diet soda. I used to be a 2 to 3 cans a day diet soda drinker and now it is one a day, if that. I think that my coffee drinking has helped decrease my soda drinking, so really it is probably just a wash in terms of affecting my health in a positive way.

23. I love Mexican food. A lot. Cheese dip with jalapenos, refried beans with cheese, cheese enchiladas, bean burritos, shrimp fajitas, etc. But I have noticed that I feel really yucky after I eat all that stuff so I try to limit my love to once a month or less. It always makes me stink like Mexican food for hours and I am always really thirsty after I eat like that.

24. I used to be able to drink plain water, after meeting Mike I am now addicted to flavored water and find it very difficult to drink plain water. We keep a pitcher of crystal light grape/lemonade in our fridge at all times now. My favorite bottled flavored water is Powerade Zero Grape.

25. I like to keep fresh flowers in our kitchen as much as possible. I actually stole this great habit from my awesome Sis in Law (Karen). She inspired me when I first met her because every time I went to her house she had fresh flowers everywhere. So now we keep the vase in the kitchen filled with fresh flowers as often as we can. It is such a little thing but it really perks me up and makes the kitchen feel really good.

26. Mike is the green thumb of our family. He had many indoor plants when I met him and we still have many indoor plants around our house. He waters them and repots them as needed and I love it! I love having green life around me without having to do anything. His green thumbness extends outside too. He makes our yards (front and back) beautiful every spring and he has the girls planting flowers every spring and I just love it.

27. I love music of all kinds. Again, Mike introduced me to something new when I met him. I had never liked country music in my life and then I met Mike and he swayed me. Now I listen to country music along with everything else. I don't know a lot about music but I just buy what I like. Right now my ipod playlist consists of Black Eyed Peas, Mumford and Sons, Adele, Snow Patrol, Tom Petty, Indigo Girls, Miranda Lambert, Pearl Jam, Lady Gaga, One Eskimo, Nina Simone, and Brad Paisley. Yeah, I am all over the place!

28. I am a consummate communicator and documentor. I love to document my life with photos and words, as you can tell from this blog and my last blog. I am not into being a fancy photo taker by any stretch but I love to remember through photos and stories. I guess I am so obsessed with photos and stories because I have a TERRIBLE memory so I need all the help I can get.

29. I love to travel. LOVE! I have been to France twice and Italy once. I lived in South Korea as a child (1yrs to 4yrs old). I haven't travelled out of the country since I went to France the last time in 2001. But since I met Mike I have travelled consistently and I have LOVED it! We go to the beach all summer long, we go to Michigan every summer as well. We go to West Virginia every Thanksgiving and Mike and I snuck away for a trip to Las Vegas when we were first dating. I love getting out of my own life for a little while and remembering all the beauty and differences in other places.

30. As a child I always wanted a stronger bond with my family, I always wanted a bigger family and a closer family. I vowed as an adult I would be closer with my family and my kids would have a close relationship with their grandparents, aunts, and uncles. I am very, very proud and glad to say that I have achieved those goals. Mike's family has been an inspiration to me over the years because they stay close, even when they're half way around the world they stay in almost constant contact and Mike's Mom is very close with all her brothers and sisters despite not living near each other. And Mike's sisters both live out of country but constantly send gifts and videos and pictures for Bailey and Evelyn to look at and remember them by. And my brothers and their wives are always asking about the girls and love spending time with them as often as they can. And of course both Mike's parents and my parents are very involved in our kids lives. They visit all the time and send cards etc. as well. I love that my kids know where they came from and have a real relationship with their extended families. Ask either of our daughters what the love the most in the whole world and they will say my family. They say it all the time, without being asked even. I think that because they both went through their parents being divorced they have a more intense need and value of family relationships and bonds. They both want to make sure that no matter what happens they have their family and their family has them. It is very sweet and only a little sad.

31. The one activity I actually enjoy doing with my kids is coloring. I love drawing and coloring with them. I don't play barbies or dress up or any of that but if I am not too busy and they ask me to color with them I always sit and do it with them. It is really relaxing to color for me. I am not an artist at all but I have always appreciated art and I have always enjoyed making art. I used to paint, before Evelyn came along and I really enjoyed it. Painting is on my list of things to do again once I have the time. My maternal grandmother was a great painter, my Mom, Sally, has her mom's oil paintings all over her apartment.

32. The other thing that I really really miss doing is playing guitar. I used to be pretty good at playing the guitar. My big brother Paul taught me everything I know and I still LOVE playing guitar even though I am very very rusty. Someday when I have time I want to take lessons again and reteach myself guitar. I remember my Mom, Sally, used to play guitar and sing to us when we were going to bed as little kids. I would love to do that for our kids.

33. I haven't spoken to my Mom, Sally, in months. That is a source of great sorrow for me. It is my choice not to speak to her but it still makes me very sad. When Evelyn was a few weeks old Sally moved to North Carolina from Atlanta. Since she has been in North Carolina I have seen her a handful of times. Thanks to my amazing Sis in Law (Chantel) Sally was at Mike and I's wedding. But I haven't seen Sally since then, that was almost 2 yrs ago. Sally has some very serious emotional issues and for self preservation reasons I choose not to speak to her. Especially since I found out I was pregnant, I don't feel like I can take on her stuff while I am so delicately trying to balance my own stuff at this point in my life. She calls often and I ignore the calls and messages. I know eventually I will want to speak to her again, eventually I will feel safe talking to her again but that time is definitely not now.

34. I have a very weird fetish about deboogering my kids. Bailey won't let me do it but I still do it to Evelyn. I can not stand children with snotty/booger filled noses! I always check Evelyn's nose before school, every day and I help her blow her nose and get all the boogies out. When she was a baby I had plastic tweezers and I would use them to pull the boogers out her nose. Yeah, I am WEIRD! And I already have a set of plastic tweezers waiting for Levi.

35. I am the same way about my kids finger and toe nails. Mike takes care of Bailey's nails and I get Evie's nails. I hate looking at dirty, long finger nails on anyone so I am zealous about my kids nails, mine, and Mike's nails.

36. I am very easily affected by words, emotions, and visuals around me. I take on the moods of the people I am around and people's words affect me very strongly. If someone uses very positive language toward me I feel positive, even if I am in a foul mood. And it goes the other way as well. I have to be careful what I read and watch because it affects me so much. Not that I don't like dramatic and diverse things in my life but I just have to be very conscious about what I see, hear, and watch because it affects how I interact. I don't want to be mean to my family or sad for no reason if I don't have to be.

37. I love to read. I don't read nearly as much as I want to. When I do feel that I can read it is usually on vacation or if I don't have a job. I am lucky in that I have many sources for GREAT book recommendations, my entire family (mine and Mike's) loves to read and has great taste in books. I am very much looking forward to reading in the months ahead.

38. This is the first time ever that Evelyn and Bailey have been gone for more than 3 days and I haven't had pangs of missing them. I think a lot of it has to do with the craziness I have been going through at work and the impending reality of Levi's arrival. But it is interesting. I wonder how my relationship with the girls will change when Levi is out of my body.

39. I am doing an internal happy dance right now and I feel slight (very slight) guilt about it but I am super happy because Evie's birth Dad is leaving the state for a year again and so I get to have Evie all the time and not have to deal with him! Yeah, I should feel more guilty about how happy I am but I just don't care. As ex-spouses go he is certainly not the worst but he is definitely NOT the best. I know from first hand experience how much better an ex can be. Bailey's Mom is wonderful! We have our differences with her sometimes but for the most part she is on the same page with us about how to parent Bailey. That is not the case with Evie's Dad. So yeah, I am a bad person, yadda yadda, but I am so glad to get Evie all to ourselves for a whole year! Especially with Levi being around it will be so awesome to watch her and him bond! Bailey is with us most of the time as well so all 5 of us will get to bond so much!

40. But don't get me wrong, I will miss having our kid free weekends that we have gotten used to in the last year. But those weekends would be over no matter what since we will now have Levi for the rest of our lives. It is going to be so strange to full time parent with a partner that I actually trust and truly love.

Levi's Corner!!!

****SQUEEEE!!!!**** Soooo excited!!!!!!!!!! =D

We have a tiny house so Levi has to share our room with us til he gets older. We converted this corner of our room into his little nursery. The tree is by far my favorite aspect of this set up. It is really funny because I saw the tree and LOVED it but I didn't say anything to Mike becasue I didn't think he woud go for it. Then he saw it and showed it to me. So I guess it was meant to be =) 

Doc/Doula/Hospital

Going to the doctor today and bringing my birth team with me. The birth team consists of Mike, my Mom, and our Doula. We were supposed to pick up the birth pool last night but got all the way over to her house (about 30 min away) and realized I had forgotten the check book and the cash. Yeah, preggo brain big time! We went in search of an ATM and could only find one and it was broken. At that point my Mom was starving and I didn't feel like inconveniencing the birth pool lady anymore so we will be going to get the birth pool another day. We are going to tour the hospital after my appointment and make sure we know where to park and how to get up to the L&D area smoothly. We are hoping to get a peek at Levi via ultrasound today as well, I am not sure if we'll get to see him or not. I'll update later with any exciting news =)

****UPDATED TO ADD****

We got the ultrasound and according to the measurements (which are notoriously inaccurate both ways) Levi weighs 7 lbs already and because of his length of his legs he is in the 98th percentile for weight and length. So according to all that my estimated due date could be as soon as April 25th. And I got checked today and I am already 80% effaced and 1.5 cm dilated. And on top of all that Levi is extremely low (station -2) and he is in the perfect birth position, head down and facing my backside. This boy is very definitely coming soon! It was absolutely wonderful to have my whole birth team at my appointment! My doula brought her back up doula and she was just as wonderful as our doula! I told the back up that she is welcome to be at the birth whether she is "needed" or not. They are both so excited about my birth and that makes me so happy and proud. And both the doulas know my doctor outside of their work so they hit it off great. And my Mom loved the doulas and the doctor and enjoyed the tour of the hospital. I was glad to go back to the hospital and see the L&D room as well as the room that I will spend the night in after Levi is born. We had more questions answered and we made sure we found the cafeteria, you know I have to know where the food is at all times *wink*.

After all this wonderful news Mike and I looked at each other and smiled and immediately decided to go to Babies R Us to buy Levi's bed and all the other little stuff we need for Levi's debut. As I type this Mike is putting the bed together and I am getting the diaper bag ready. The things we had the hardest time picking out for Levi were his blankets (must be soft, cute, and big enough), the pacifiers/bottles (how in the heck do we know what he'll take too?? And is an orthodontic nipple really that important?? We'll find out!), and the diaper bag (we wanted something we could both use because there is nothing worse than being out and realizing that the [fill in the blank] is in the other diaper bag). So I have a lot of receiving blankets, fuzzy blankets, onsies, burp clothes, bibs, and socks to wash. But we are both sooooo excited! I looked at Mike today at Babies R Us and I told him I was so happy to be doing this with him. And I told him I couldn't imagine not doing this again with him. He was already picking out purple things for Izzy. Yeah, he is the best Dad and Husband ever!

The End (Part 2 of Sexual Harrasement in the Workplace)

So not surprisingly the Head Boss did NOT handle this situation correctly. When I came in today he was there and the assistant boss was not there yet. The first thing I did was tell the Head Boss what a sight for sore eyes he was, he looked at me quizzically and a little defensively and said why? My reply: I am just really happy to see you, I am really glad you are back. Obviously reading between the lines I was saying: I am so glad you are back and you better fix this because I fully expect you to do what is right.

About 30 minutes later the Assistant Boss came and told my office mate that Head Boss (HB) wanted to talk to her. She went into HB's office with Assistant Boss (AB) and the door was shut. HB then told my office mate that he was conducting an investigation into what had happened while he was gone and he wanted all the details as they exactly happened. First off, WTF!!?? You can't conduct a valid investigation if the questioning is being done in front of one of the people involved in the incident (AB)!!!!! How can my office mate talk candidly and comfortably and openly about what happened when the BROTHER IN LAW of the Offender is in the ROOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!??????????????????????? I mean seriously!!??? What kind of a joke of an "investigation" does he think he is conducting??? Who does he think he's fooling???!!!! He then proceeded to tell my office mate that it could have been easily just as much her fault that the offender did this, that she could easily have been giving signals that were misunderstood by the offender. REALLY!!!??? REALLY!!!!!!!???????? Because I sat there and witnessed the whole incident the first time it happened and I didn't know that sitting at your desk working and not talking to anyone was actually considered an invitation to be touched inappropriately!!!! Wow! Then he told my office mate that the offender would be coming to work everyday and that the investigation would take up to 4 days to be done so she should just deal with being in the office with the offender. Yeah! He said she shouldn't go near him or talk to him until the investigation is over. Wow! Because the only contact she has had with this guy EVER has been unwarranted and uninvited. She has never struck up a conversation with him or gone into his office, ever! Basically HB was bullying my office mate and trying to shut her down and invalidate her valid sexual harassment complaint.

When they were done with her they called me into the office. He told me they were conducting an investigation as well. He asked me to detail exactly what I had seen. I did. He questioned me about reporting the incident for my office mate. I corrected him and told him that I had been sexually harassed as well because by definition of sexual harassment I witnessed it and it made me uncomfortable. He did not like me using the wording "sexual harassment", every time I said it he corrected it and said "office misconduct". Yeah, he is a total fucking asshole!! I then went on to tell HB that even if the offender "had something to go home to" or "didn't mean it like that" (per AB's words) that it is NEVER okay to touch someone without their explicit verbal permission. I then asked if the offender was coming into the office today, he said yes, that he needed to question him as well and allow him to tell his side of the story. He also said that everyone has the right to work at this point until the investigation is over. I told HB that I was not comfortable being in the building with the offender and that I would be leaving before he arrived at work. HB said I could leave whenever I wanted, that it was up to me. I then asked how long it would take to conclude the investigation and get to a solution, he said he didn't know. I then told him that I thought he should implement a formal written system for reporting sexual harassment. He agreed and said he would do that after he finished the investigation. He then asked me to write everything down in a statement and sign it and give it to him before I left for the day.

They went on to question two other female employees and one of the male employees. I wrote my statement up and I printed the wikipedia entry defining sexual harassment and highlighted all the sections that pertain to this situation. As I was doing this my office mate was typing her statement and her 2 weeks notice. And the receptionist also was typing her 2 weeks notice, she was a witness to this harassment like me. When the receptionist and my office mate gave their notices HB told them to go get some coffee and that they were just being emotional. My office mate told HB that if she were a man he wouldn't say she was "being emotional". It is almost too archaic and pathetic to be true but alas this is how it went down today.

I wish I could say I am surprised. But I really expected this to happen. Up until this experience I really thought that inequality in the workplace based on gender was mostly gone. I can not believe that I have had to witness such ignorance and hatred of women. The bottom line on all of this is that HB, AB, and the offender on some level (and not very deep) hate women and do not feel that they are equal to them or deserving of respect.

I am going to finish my notice (through next Friday) but only work 2 hours a day, when the offender is not there. If the offender is fired (which seems HIGHLY unlikely) before my last day then I will go back to my normal 5 hours a day. Regardless of what happens I want to get my last paycheck and as much of my commissions after that as possible. I am deeply disappointed in HB and AB but I don't feel threatened by either of them and frankly, I want my money. I want to do my job and I won't be bullied out of my job like this. I advised my office mate to do same thing as me, work when the offender isn't there and get her money and finish her notice.

*****UPDATE TO ADD*******
I called my boss to tell him I was bringing Mike in with me tomorrow afternoon after my doc appointment to get some ppwk finished up before the weekend and he told me that he fired the offender. He said he has two seminars scheduled for Monday adn Tuesday about sexual harrasement and that everyone will be required to watch a video and sign the new policy on sexual harrasement. He wouldn't actually apologize (that would be admitting fault) but he did ask me if there was anything else that I wanted to talk about with him, any other concerns or what have you. I am still very disappointed at how he handled this situation but I am very relieved that he finally came to the right decision and did the right thing.