Warts

As in worry warts. As in Bailey and I. Yup, that's what we are. It constantly cracks me up and drives me crazy and amazes me how similar Bailey and I are. I was A LOT like Bailey as a kid. I was very creative, imaginative, social, loud, energetic, and more, just like her. I don't know if it is because Bailey and I had similar childhoods or what but her and I have very similar personality traits. One of them being our tendency to worry about things. Last night there were very violent and prevalent tornadoes all over the state and her and I (not Mike and I or Evie and I) stayed up til 1AM worrying about whether a tornado was going to hit our area (thankfully we barely had any severe weather here). Mike and Evelyn were asleep and out cold in our bedroom and I was watching the news (I wouldn't let Bailey watch with me) and Bailey was in her room watching Scooby Doo. Every time she heard a noise (even my elbow hitting the wall by accident!) she would come running out to make sure we were ok.

When I was a kid I remember being deathly afraid of thunderstorms. I would freak out the exact same way. And I am sure I drove my parents crazy with always wanting to sleep with them whenever there was a storm. I still am afraid of thunderstorms. There have been quite a few nights recently where I am the only person awake in the house because I hear a storm and can't sleep until it passes. The worrying extends into who or when or how things are going to get done also. Mike calls me a "Planner" and we laugh, because it is true. And my Type A/Planner character traits come from a place of worry. If I can plan everything out, if I can control everything then I know I'll be okay and the people I love will be okay. I see the same tendencies in Bailey. In the end the worrying comes from a place of love. And anyone that knows Bailey knows that she loves INTENSELY. And I think I am the same.

Bailey and I are similar in lots of other ways too. We both are very picky eaters (I have grown out of it mostly but as a child I was super picky, worse than Bailey). We both are very concerned with justice and what is fair (my parents always told me as child I would make a great lawyer, we've said the same to Bailey). I fiercely loved my family as child (I still do) so does Bailey. Bailey loves to play with other people but at a certain point she needs her alone time to recharge and reflect, me the same. As she gets older she recognizes her need for alone time without having a fight or a meltdown, that is a wonderful thing for her and us. We both need our sleep, like bad. And we both hate taking naps (except me when I am preggers).

We both had very similar childhoods. My parents separated and divorced when I was 4/5 yrs old. My dad remarried my StepMom when I was 6 yrs old. My StepMom's birthday is the day before my birthday (my birthday is the day before Bailey's birthday, I know, CRAZY!). I moved many times throughout my childhood, Bailey has moved twice since I've known her, she won't be moving again as far as I can tell (we love our house and Mike's work won't need him to move ever, I hope). But the moves were very hard on Bailey, as I am sure the moves were hard on me as a kid. But I had two brothers to lean on through all the changes in my childhood. No matter what happened they were there with me. Bailey didn't have that through all the changes she's gone through. She had her Dad. And Mike has been amazing with Bailey through everything. He really is her rock. The way that my brothers were my rock. I always knew that no matter what craziness the world threw at me as a kid I would have my brothers, so I could handle it. And I think that is how Bailey feels too. And the product of all the changes in my childhood was neediness. I was and am a very needy person. I need to be reassured consistently that I am loved, that I am cared for, that I am needed, and that things are going to be okay.  I see the exact same traits in Bailey. She always wants to make sure she gets her attention, that she is loved, that things are okay. So on the one hand her and I need our alone time to recharge/reflect but on the other we are super clingy and needy too. We are a conundrum. As I've gotten older my neediness has wained and my worries have subsided some, as I hope they do for Bailey someday.

And if you have ever been in a relationship with someone that is very much like yourself then you know that sometimes it can backfire. Sometimes you see parts of yourself in the other person that you don't like. And you try to change the other person because what you really want to do is change yourself. I catch myself often getting irritated with Bailey's neediness, her worry wartness, her inability to nap even when she REALLY needs the sleep, her picky eating. And it is totally unfair on my part. I am a total hypocrite. And here is where being the adult is harder than being the child. I have to face myself almost daily and force myself to grow through my own flaws. I have to confront my 9 yr old self everyday and do what's right for her, and love her, just as she is. And then I have to look at my 29 yr old self and say, it's okay. You are okay, and Bailey is going to be okay too.

And I ask Mike all the time why he wanted to take on another person in his life that is so needy and clingy and high maintenance. And he laughs. He says he wouldn't have it any other way. I think he likes feeling needed and wanted and he loves making us all (including Evie) feel taken care of, provided for, and supported. In turn we all three clamor for his attention and affection and we dote on him. I guess it isn't too bad a deal for him ;)