Bonding Moment

I was watching Levi today while Mike tried to get some sleep so he could drive us to the beach tonight. Of course the one time I need Levi to be quiet he is squirmy and fussy. I wanted to just bounce him on my knee while I watched Tom Hanks on Inside the Actor's Studio. Levi was not so into that idea. He kept fussing, I kept bouncing. Finally it got really loud and I had to stop watching my show. I took Levi outside onto the front porch swing and started rocking with him. He still didn't settle down for a few minutes.

Finally he started to relax. I got a good steady but slow pace going and I just looked into his eyes. The wind was blowing lightly. And as I looked into Levi's eyes I thought about how much I want to stay in this house. How I want to sit in that exact same spot with Levi's baby in my arms as I rock. And it got really quiet, the wind blew my hair and suddenly it was gray. My hair was gray, the baby I was holding was my grandson. The cars parked in the driveway belonged to my grown children. I was a grandmother and I was rocking my grandbaby on the same porch swing I had rocked my babies. My eyes started to burn and the tears started flowing. All the while Levi is just looking back at me with his huge deep blue eyes. And I am just crying. Crying tears of joy. Tears of hope. Tears of thankfulness. How lucky I am to have Levi. How amaming he is already. What kind of man will he be? I start to think about him as a little boy, as a teenager, as a grown man. I just see my son, as he is today and as he will be. And then Levi makes an expression on his face, an expression like "Mom, you are so overreacting!" And then I start to laugh as I cry. Because it's true and it's funny. And then Levi, little baby Levi, starts to gurgle and laugh with me, he's smiling at me with those big blue eyes. Suddenly all the sounds come back, a fire truck in the distance, a lawn mower next door, cars coming around the corner street. The world comes back to us. Or we come back to it.

Mike and I joke about how his family is witchy. How they see things before they happen. How they have intutions about events and people. In that moment I felt like Levi was showing me something. I don't have that intuition, but Levi does. I have never had such vivid truthful dreams as I did when I was pregnant with Levi. And today, on that porch swing, I felt that truth again. I felt my connection to Levi strengthen.

I am so lucky to have this little soul in my life. He is such a gift. He really will be a great man. I am honored to have him.